Beijing Unleashed

Life is so crazy right now I can't even begin to tell you.  For someone who has always been methodical and neat and tidy (not necessarily fastidious by any means about my house and life), right now I feel so out of control and crazed.  With both Wayne and I working out of the home (me at a job that pays very little for how much I work  - medical transcription used to be lucrative until jobs were outsourced and also sent over seas - now we work for peanuts per line - electronic sweatshop - and Wayne's job that has paid nothing yet as he is on solely commission) while having to take care of 2 girls without any outside help - no family around and not able to afford daycare at this point, it is very, very chaotic  for us.  We try to make things as peaceful as possible for the girls - we try to keep on a schedule as best as possible.  Most parents know it is an "art" to be a good parent and to make childhood seem effortless and magical for their children.  

I question constantly what Wayne and I have done - adopting 2 little girls at our ages, stressing ourselves into an early grave, to leave these 2 sweet souls without us earlier than we or they would like.  A lot of people who adopt at our ages are wealthy and a lot have older children to help and to take over parenting if need be.  That is not our story by any means.  We just wanted to give everything we have to experience the great joy of being parents and to give 2 children a chance in life they may well have not had.  It was more than important for us to give them one another - we moved heaven and earth to bring Noey into our lives - we have taken a great risk financially.

Sometimes when I see my friends and sisters going on vacations, watching their children leave the nest and them being able to sit down and read a book or head off for a relaxing weekend, I get a tad bit jealous when honestly sometimes I don't even have time to eat!   I have to remind myself that I have been there and done that and my sisters and friends have been there and done that with raising kids - they deserve where they are now.   Wayne and I just did everything backwards.  Wayne and I traveled pretty extensively, if only within the USA, once to Canada.   Of course, we became world travelers when we adopted our girls. ;D  If Wayne still had his job, if MT was still lucrative and I had a good job, we would be doing okay, but that is neither here nor there.  It is what it is and we have to trust God that there is a reason He brought our family to this point.  I KNOW that these girls are meant to be with us - everything worked out and important dates coincide incredulously.  God has a plan.  I need to trust that and get a grip! 

Now all this "whining" said, would I want my old life back?...would I NOT want to be a mother to the two most amazing and beautiful little girls in the world?!   Not in a million kazillion years.  :D