However, I have been having doubts and fears ever since we brought home Emma about how to do this parenting thing! Most fears are regarding my age and Wayne's age. You would not believe the people in the world who think it is THEIR business what you do with your life. I recently had another family member tell me that "children are for the young" and it crushed me. Thankfully she said that to me because it caused me to have a breakthrough epiphany - I realize that it is the Lord God who I should be listening to. I should not care what people of this world tell me is right or is wrong. "God led us to it and He will lead us through it." I am living my life as HE would want it, not as the world. God does not care how old I am, he cares about my heart.
Both adoptions have happened plain and simple. We have had a lot of starts and stops and near misses. BUT here we are with a beautiful little Vietnamese girl as our daughter and will soon have a beautiful little Chinese daughter. They are the joys of my life and I am so proud to call myself their mommy!
It is SO wonderful to have realized all of this about 4 years too late (ha), that God is in the details and it is the next life and God's opinion of what I do in this life that matters. So to all you naysayers, give it up. I ain't listening and to all you "youngsters" who are parents who look smugly and with amusement at us "mature" parents of little children, ha - the joke is on you - life goes by in a flash - you will be "old" before you know it, BUT you don't know it (and neither did I when I was young) - you will waste time, take life for granted, ignore your children (purposely and nonpurposely) while trying to amass fame and fortune (and self gratification) in this life and your kids will grow up way too fast and you will be 52 before you know it and wonder how you got here! (I am speaking from experience)
Anyway....laugh at us all you want, shake your heads, think you are "better" than us because you had your kids when you were young and you would NEVER adopt at our ages. Go right ahead because I am not listening. :D Life is wonderful, joyous and we are so anxious to bring Noelle into our family.
I have totally overcome letting other people affect me regarding being an older parent, but I still battle with myself and my emotions. When Emma talks about what she wants to be when she grows up and talks about her Mommy and Daddy being there in the audience or on the spaceship with her, etc.....I feel as if I have been stabbed in the heart - the pain is almost unbearable....knowing that I will not be there for her (and Noelle) for most of her adult life. BUT God will and I need to rest in that and pray a lot to overcome the sadness I feel for my daughters. This earthly life will whiz by for my children also. "Store up treasures in heaven...."
Here is a yahoo group post for parents over 50 - I have changed the children's names in it but I don't know this gal personally and she does not follow my blog but you never know who is out there in cyberland who might recognize who wrote this. Another thing, many think Wayne and I are totally unusual in having small children at our ages - we are NOT. There are many, many out there who are becoming "mature" parents. I am not saying mature parenting is good or bad, it is what it is. I truly believe older women having children (bio or adopting) is the final frontier for women - the public perception of gray-haired ladies rocking their babies (not grandbabies) has got to change and it will, with time.
***********************************
Friday, January 20, 2012 10:03 PM
I have lived a blessed life. Almost 39 years ago, a wonderful newborn girl came into my life - a single's adoption. I was 28, but to tell the truth, we grew outgo ether. (don't know what she was spelling here). She was 14 when my husband entered our lives. "Carol" was 28 when we brought her 22 month old sister, "Augusta", from China. Two years later, we went back to China for 2 year old "Sage". 3 years ago, "Misty", 4 years old, came home with us from China. I will be 67 in June. My husband will be 61 in March and we're parents to one adult daughter and 3 ranging from 7-12.
My husband was a waiter and I a retired teacher. We did the last adoption on credit card advances because ....But the house didn't sell and my husband lost his job when we came back from China. He was out of work for nearly 3 years. Knowing what I know now, would I do it over? In a New York minute! The two older girls are best friends. They make each other laugh. When one cries the other cries with her. They still sneak into each others rooms to sleep together. My baby is the family's joy. She dances and sings and entertains us, then laughs to see us smile. Our girls keep their Mom and dad young.
My husband was a waiter and I a retired teacher. We did the last adoption on credit card advances because ....But the house didn't sell and my husband lost his job when we came back from China. He was out of work for nearly 3 years. Knowing what I know now, would I do it over? In a New York minute! The two older girls are best friends. They make each other laugh. When one cries the other cries with her. They still sneak into each others rooms to sleep together. My baby is the family's joy. She dances and sings and entertains us, then laughs to see us smile. Our girls keep their Mom and dad young.
You're never too young or too old to follow the will of God. I know some amazing 3 year olds and some amazing 70-80 year olds. Last Easter in Sunday school, a 3 y.o. girl stood up and proclaimed without any prompting, "Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead."
ReplyDeleteI also know a lady in her late seventies that has smuggled hundreds of pounds of Bibles into a communist country. She was in her seventies when she started taking these yearly mission trips. She is still going strong.
God can provide you with whatever you need to raise your children. I am 45 and adopting for the first time. I have a 19 and 16 year old already. I believe I am much more equipped now to raise a child than when I was in my twenties.
Lori - again thank you so much! I am excited for you and your upcoming adoption? When will you travel? When is your LID? Are you going the SN route? I have never had a bio child so nothing to compare adoption with, but it is an amazing thing to adopt. I love the story of the 70-year-old and the 3-year-old! Thanks for sharing. Prayers for your journey to your child also. :D
ReplyDeleteOur LID was Sept. 27, 2011. We are adopting a child with minor special needs. We were told this month that we are up next for a referral at our adoption agency. I hope that this means we will be matched with a child from the next list. I am hoping and believing that we will have a referral in Feb., March at the latest, but you never know.
ReplyDeleteAs far as comparing having bio children with adopting, I believe the only difference is the physical one, and of course all the paperwork:) Emotionally and psychologically they are very much alike. I was surprised by this at first, when I realized that I was "nesting", just like I did when I was pregnant. And, of course, there's no doubt in my mind that I will love my adopted child as much as my bio children.